By Noreen Heron

After a recent school activity, I walked behind my 11-year-old daughter and her friends as we exited the building. Spontaneously, the fifth grade girls wrapped their arms around each other, taking turns raising each other up, something that I couldn’t help but smile at the visual. But the metaphor immediately struck. I thought at that moment, I hope that you girls always lift each other up.

Here at Heron Agency, from the inception of the firm, I have tried to cultivate a culture of women being “nice” girls. Here, we have a zero tolerance zone for back stabbing, girl drama or cliques. But don’t get me wrong – ‘nice’ alone is not enough to make it here. We look for smart, creative, energetic, proactive, outgoing multi-taskers, enthusiastic enough to handle late night press openings with 5 a.m. wakeup calls for TV segments – and smile about it.

Part of the success of the agency I feel, in large part, has been this nurturing atmosphere. Nice can win! Women who build each other up and depend on that infrastructure of comfort and empathy – that kind of support cannot be underestimated. Historians chronicle the women behind the men, but what about the women behind the women? I wonder how frequently that has been the key to advancement. If you could pick your husband or your best friend in terms of the emotional support that feeds you as a woman, would most of you pick your girlfriends? Here, we celebrate each other’s accomplishments, we have a day for each employee annually where we each “eulogize” them which is a lot of fun, and we don’t compete in ways that we hear from our friends who work at other companies seem to experience.

Our work culture here can feel like a safe nest. It’s wonderfully insular, inclusive and warm. We are free to fail here, to throw out crazy ideas on behalf of our clients, to come in one day dressed to the nines and the next looking exhausted from the business trip from the night before, and no one will judge each other.  And….then there’s the real world.

There are THOSE GIRLS. We all know who THOSE GIRLS are. Do I need to give you a description? I can tell you who they are not. When I see a kind person, it’s a secure person. A woman who is happy with herself doesn’t need to take other women down. Her confidence allows for everyone to succeed. She doesn’t need to give the backhanded compliment, the withering look, or do the secret whispering with her girl gang.

I’ve been fortunate enough to make long lasting friendships with the mothers from my son’s pre-school class. There are ten of us, and possibly what brought us all together was that all of our children were our first born, so there was certainly that bond. We have vacationed together several times, we have an annual cookie exchange over the holidays, and in general get together just to have fun. We all respect each other. Probably half work outside the home and the other half work inside the home. There was never, ever a feeling of one group judging the other on our life decisions. We have a wonderful comradery, probably because we feel acceptance, which is a wonderful gift.  We share honest stories. We drink wine together. We bring each other up.  That is everything.

But not all women are about elevation. I will admit that one of my guilty pleasures was always Bravo TV, as seeing these women’s Chanel, Louboutins, and homes in the Hamptons is completely voyeuristic in the most recreational of ways. The visuals are total escapist entertainment.  However, over the years, I have become increasingly disenfranchised with the Real Housewives franchises (and name just about any of the shows – Southern Charm, Ladies of London, etc.) as the whole manufactured plot trajectory is women fighting with other women which I find wearisome. We see cliques of women building alliances against other women. I often think how much more interesting these women’s lives must really be, and yet we are supposed to be entertained by women being mean girls. Didn’t all of us see enough of that in grammar school and high school to want a break from it as adults? Lately, I have tuned out. I don’t find that entertaining.

Last year, I was approached by a producer from Bravo TV regarding a new reality show that Giuliana Rancic is producing that is based out of Chicago. The premise (and I’m not sure where it is in terms of status currently) is women who successfully built their careers without men, and I was asked to audition.  I didn’t feel entirely confident that the plot line would truly be about celebrating these women (I may be proved wrong). My perception is that these shows thrive on the drama of dysfunction. Could there ever be a network truly devoted to women and what goes into a rewarding career, without making it all ugly and tawdry? I’ll watch if there is!

“There is a special place in hell for women that don’t help other women,” said Madeline Albright. Imagine the power of this woman, a Secretary of State, making that public sentiment. A weighty position, but still apparently dealing with “girl drama.” How illuminating, and how sad.

Let’s try to lift each other as women, and give up the gossip and the judgment. It’s time to come together to make this planet a launch pad for girl talent, friendships and – um – good TV? Yeah. In that order.

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